i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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