I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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