I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Come on in and take your pants off
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