i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
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