Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
