Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
