kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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