Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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