so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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