Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Did I show you my penis last night?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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