i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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