I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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