yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Never joke about your clitoris.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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