they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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