I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
