Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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