If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
