you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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