So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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