Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
