Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
