you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
