sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
