Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
