I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize