I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
