is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize