I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
