your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
