I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
