Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize