Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
we made out on top of his cat.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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