Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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