it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
