Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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