Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
