She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
