who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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