her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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