my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
