I faked an abortion last night.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
