Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
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