Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
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