it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
