I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
