Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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