i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
he laminated a picture of his dick.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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