She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
