no, he came in my armpit
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
