I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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