dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
