He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Is Oprah even human
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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