You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
The adults are the big ones right?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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