Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
