Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
