meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize