I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize