Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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