Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
