Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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