He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
