I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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