Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
