didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
