Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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