the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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