First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
