I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Randomize
