Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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