me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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