Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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