Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize