in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
