Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
