my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
