I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
