True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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